They can't prepare us for the truth. They can't prepare us for the uncertain feeling deep in your stomach that never goes away. The feeling of being a failure while your friends and family seem put together or at the least aiming for something. Meanwhile you're 23 going on 24 and still have no idea what you want out of living in this world. How do you prepare for not having dreams? How do you prepare for love not being what they said it would? How do you prepare for feeling like a drying leaf in the wind, being tossed around, tumbling away with no place to land and feel like home?
If they were right I should know by now. I did the steps they gave me. I graduate highschool, went to a good college, graduated early with a salary job waiting for me that had nothing to do with my degree. I bought a home, I got a dog. Next is marriage and a family right? I just want to ask those who say life gets better why I still feel empty. Why can't I find myself? Why isn't it working? Why do I still feel as vast as the cosmos?
This is the part where I say 'then I met...' That person that makes it all make sense. That person that takes me on a grand adventure and somehow we create a life worth living in the chaos of this world. If John Green is writing the story then maybe they'll die just after I find happiness and I have to use their life to keep me going. Fiction will always be greater than life. There isn't a manual for when that doesn't happen and you're on your own and never find something to plug the hole. Life is when that doesn't happen and instead you keep waking up every day alone with a pit in your soul that eats you away until you're so spent that even fiction can't save you.
